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I just know I loved it." I've done a lot of fucking, Jill, but I've never really been close to anyone before, either. I just know this feels different. I want to keep seeing you, and see where this goes." I wanna keep seeing you, too, Allie."They talk for another hour, just enjoying their time together. Before they end the call, Jill says, "Do you want to talk again tomorrow?" Yes, of course I do, I'll call you tomorrow, OK?" "I'll be waiting for you, Allie," Jill says before she hangs up the phone.When Jill hangs up the phone, she is happy that she and Allie feel the same about each other as they did over the weekend. But deep inside, she feels some conflicting feelings. The smaller part of her, Jerry, still wants to find a girlfriend, get married, and have kids, like everyone else does. The larger part of her, Jill, wants to pursue this new path she's discovered. She's waited a long time to come out, and she has no intention of turning back now. She's in control and intends to stay. I guess in his place Iwould have done the same thing, if I was a guy. She told me that he wasno big loss; he was an ungrateful idiot and didn't deserve me. I thinkshe was right; I am too good for him.We, Joyce and I, became best friends and spent a lot of time togetherthat summer, we picked up a lot of guys and had a lot of fun with thembut I would not get close to any of them as long as I still had thiscurse between my legs. I knew that some day, some how; I was going toget rid of it.Around the end of July my mom started doing some strange things. She gota job as a Cocktail Waitress and started bringing home men; some of themreal losers, and scum bags. I think she started doing drugs. She evenstarted trying to fix me up with some of them. I had no interest in anyof them; they were all old enough to be my father, at least many ofthem. I was beginning to get sexually frustrated, I could not have sexwith any of the guys I went with, at least I could not go all the way,and I had no.
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